In a tongue-in-cheek article in the New York Times, writer John Tierney re-introduces his practically fail-proof formula, designed in 2006, for predicting the demise of Hollywood marriages, by relying on his friend, Garth Sundem’s statistical expertise, and his own in-depth literature review of articles published and sold in reading material at supermarket check-out lines. All in all a very impressive and scientific analysis!
The formula they have devised includes considerations of the relative fame of the husband and wife, their ages, the length of their courtship, their marital history, and perhaps most importantly, the sex-symbol quotient of the wife, ascertained by looking at her first five google hits and counting how many of them feature either no attire, or skimpy attire.
In their 2012 New York Times update, they confirm the relative success of the Sundem/Tierney Unified Celebrity Theory by pointing out their accurate predictions in respect of the collapse of the unions of Demi Moore/Ashton Kuchter, Pamela Anderson/Kid Rock, and Britney Spears/Kevin Federline.
They also herald the success of their formula with respect to the intact marriages of Jennifer Garner/Ben Affleck and Matt Damon/Luciana Barroso. Their few failures include Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, but time will tell.
While they modestly don’t mention it, it seems their equation also works in respect of the relationships of Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony, Hulk and Linda Hogan, Tiger Woods and his lovely ex-wife, and so many others.
In light of their recent reassessment of their theory, they have refined certain of their criteria; the major change being the recognition that rather than reviewing Google hits, a more effective formula is measuring the number of New York Times references, divided by the number of mentions in the National Enquirer.
As they move forward with this important research they acknowledge that a wife’s tabloid fame is now probably the best indicator of the success or failure of a marriage.
I’m glad these guys don’t take themselves too seriously!
Lawdiva aka Georgialee Lang