Two Confused Husbands…Or is it Wives?

Paul and Alan were both married to women. Paul was married for 30 years and Alan had two failed marriages, one lasted seven years and the second ended after 20 years. Between them they had five children.

Paul and Alan both left their wives and families to engage in a gay relationship with each other. Shortly thereafter both Paul and Alan began to live as lesbians, both of them dressing as women. Still later, Paul decided to have surgical assistance with his gender switch and had a breast augmentation and facial surgery to appear more female.

Paul and Alan, now Jenny-Anne and Elen, were recently joined together in holy matrimony as husband and wife, going through a civil service where Elen had to play down her femininity so as not to upset the government officials.

Later Jenny-Anne and Elen’s marriage was blessed by their church. In media reports the happy couple expessed great joy at their new lives together.

There was not a word said about their broken families or the aftermath of their decisions on their five children. No, it was all about them. Congratulations, I guess….


6 thoughts on “Two Confused Husbands…Or is it Wives?

  1. hello!

    um, i’m a bit confused about what exactly jenny-anne and elen did wrong.

    is it that they left the mothers of their children? people get divorced all the time; what makes this such a big deal? and what should people do if they aren’t happy in their marriages? stick it out for the kids? that’s what my parents did— and i got to grow up with two parents who didn’t even LIKE each other. for many years, i struggled with my disbelief in the existence of love, thanks to my parents’ loveless marriage. i think people SHOULD get divorced (or at least separate) when they fall out of love with each other.

    or is the problem with the transness of jenny-anne and elen? if so, that’s pretty transphobic. being trans isn’t a decision; it’s as natural to transpeople as being cis is to cispeople. staying in the closet as a transperson is staggeringly painful— and i speak from experience.

    or did i miss the point entirely? if so, i apologize.

  2. What makes this story interesting is the utter confusion in these men’s lives. They live as heterosexuals, then as gay men, later as lesbians and now they are transgendered.

    My common sense and study of psychology tells me their actions show significant instability. It would be hard to imagine that their multiple lifestyle changes did not prove difficult for their children to cope with. It’s one thing to change from heterosexual to gay, but quite another to make two further sexual orientation changes.

    Transphobic? Not me. I’ve just finished reading Chaz Bono’s book and I totally get it!

    1. “What makes this story interesting is the utter confusion in these men’s lives. They live as heterosexuals, then as gay men, later as lesbians and now they are transgendered.”

      yep, that’s pretty confusing; i can’t argue with that. however, both gender identity and sexual orientation are often quite fluid, depending on the individual. many people experience changes in sexual orientation and/or gender identity. this can be due to true fluidity, but it can also be part of the journey of discovery which many people make.

      most children are socialized to be heterosexual cispeople. that is, they are assumed to be hetero/cis from birth. this means that queer children may feel that there is no room for them in society and that there is something wrong with them. as a result, denial, repression and pure confusion are common in the queer community. far too many people, not truly understanding and/or realizing their own queerness, struggle to make heterosexual relationships work, struggle with their gender identity, and/or drift hopefully from one label to another in search of something that works for them. realization of one’s gender/sexuality is often seen as a journey to undertake rather than as a destination to arrive at with ease.

      this story actually seems almost normal to me, to be honest. i can’t possibly express how many of my own friends have experienced or are experiencing the same confusion as these two transwomen. based soley on your post (i haven’t researched the story), i don’t see what these two women should’ve done differently.

      yes, it’s tough for the kids involved, but so are divorces of cisgender parents, deaths in the family, moves across the country, etc. kids need their parents to help them understand these things and to love them. i don’t think that kids need their parents to live deceitful and meaningless lives in the closet.

      thank you for sharing your thoughts with us!

  3. Thanks for your thoughtful commentary. You may be interested in another article I wrote called “Children Born in the Wrong Body” on January 18, 2011. Just go to the archives for January 2011 and you will find it. Cheers! Georgialee

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